The only thing that makes National Day special is that it always feels like a Saturday even when it does not fall on that day. I guess that is why, it is as war-like as it should be on a Saturday. Well, I have turned deaf ears to everything though because I just wanted to keep calm. I am listening to a1's Grateful and reminding myself so. In fact, I have felt really blessed the past few days. I could not be more thankful for the people who went down for the photoshoot yesterday, I regret that the photos didn't turn out well though. YX stayed up till 5 a.m. to write us short notes which I deeply appreciate, because he came down anyway despite the severe lack of sleep. THANK YOU UNI BEST FRIEND! My sis, who just got her tuition pay, stashed twenty bucks in my wallet, claiming that she must show 'filial piety' for me after all that she went through recently. Job-hunt wise, I haven't heard from any company for a long, long time. My mum continues to nag but I think I am getting used. I just hope I don't get used to being immobile, on top of my research work which I believe is about to come to an end. Come what may, I must stay positive.
This CNY, I realised many things. I realised I have always envied families who go out as a whole for CNY visiting, or those who invite many relatives and friends over. I realised I am very afraid of the coming of CNY because CNY simply means watching movies and slacking at home for me. I love to watch movies, there is no doubt about that. Perhaps I just don't appreciate the latter because there is so much to face head-on. I hate the silence or otherwise awful hurlings at the dining table. I hate how I need to pretend to be hospitable to people I dislike. This year, I hid in my room when people I did not feel comfortable with came, then I was accused of being stubborn and impolite. Sometimes I really wonder if being myself is of imperative or being polite is. Whichever the case, I want to confess that I really feel tired and unhappy this CNY. The worst is that I feel that no one can understand because everyone I tried to rant this to tells me I should go home because it is CNY after...
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