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All over again

A year ago on a day like this, I heard something that filled my head with hatred. A year later, we met again, not knowing what more to say. Sometimes I still naively think that you look at me with eyes that leave traces of hesitancy. The fact that I use the word "naively" perhaps tells I am more rational than not. Five minutes after biding goodbye, you came back saying you had something to show me, a picture you knew only both of us would understand. And then I began to wonder. Why? Why? WHY? Why would you do this? I didn't feel exceptionally happy, but nor was I upset. In fact, I could never feel calmer in front of you. Puzzled. I was just very puzzled. Maybe all along I just wanted a clearer stand. But this was what I could never achieve every time you popped up again after a long time. I choose to write those in the past tense, because I want to change this. I want to put my foot down now. I want to be the first to bid goodbye, no matter how much I miss the small talks, the reminiscence, anything and everything.

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