Hurt.

GL: Do you think I'm really stupid?

Jan: I don't know. Maybe he really hurt you.

And then I was speechless.

I don't know how long I will take to get over what I heard, but I do recall how my heart sank upon hearing it. The disappointment turned into anger, and then into sadness, eventually, you probably won't believe -- humour. I figured I went slightly mad thereafter and while I feigned enthusiasm, I was actually on the verge of tears. I think the urge to cry could never have been stronger.

Well, now that I'm typing these, I can't feel the same, probably because I have realised my stupidity (whatever you call it). All the lies were so beautifully wrapped and I bought them. I guess there is nothing more I should say because anything more will be redundant anyway. I guess I just need to be glad that I have made a right decision, even though along the way I had a tinge of regret. No more wallowing in self-pity, or I am so going to despise myself.

The friends who love me so much, if not for them, I think I would have died of misery or self-pity. A listening ear or a simple phone call means so much during times like this. Thank you Yanxing, Yan Hong, Yanli, Janvin, Zi Rui and Max. I KNOW I AM DAMN WHINY!!!

Really, I feel so light now. The worst feeling is gone.