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On CNY

This CNY, I realised many things. I realised I have always envied families who go out as a whole for CNY visiting, or those who invite many relatives and friends over. I realised I am very afraid of the coming of CNY because CNY simply means watching movies and slacking at home for me. I love to watch movies, there is no doubt about that. Perhaps I just don't appreciate the latter because there is so much to face head-on. I hate the silence or otherwise awful hurlings at the dining table. I hate how I need to pretend to be hospitable to people I dislike. This year, I hid in my room when people I did not feel comfortable with came, then I was accused of being stubborn and impolite. Sometimes I really wonder if being myself is of imperative or being polite is. Whichever the case, I want to confess that I really feel tired and unhappy this CNY. The worst is that I feel that no one can understand because everyone I tried to rant this to tells me I should go home because it is CNY after all and then there are all the theories on 'blood is thicker than water'. Seriously, I need a break from all these. And I am really glad that I have a room in school because many times I just want to go back there where I feel secure and at ease. Even when I am home, I coop myself up in my room where I can no longer study like before because it has been revamped, without my permission. This CNY, I realised that some cracks that are there are there, you can conceal for all you want but you cannot deny their existence.

Please do not have to pity me after reading this. I just needed to rant. And I prefer you to tell me to be strong. Thank you.

Comments

  1. nelsonJanuary 28, 2012 at 6:42 PM

    more like a HOTEL room in school :P

    ReplyDelete
  2. JanJanuary 29, 2012 at 5:34 AM

    I think I can understand how you feel. totally. rest assured that you are not the only one facing familial problems. i think it's a good thing that you have a refuge in school, a place where you can be yourself and not be bothered by problems. be strong!

    ReplyDelete
  3. GLJanuary 29, 2012 at 6:05 AM

    @Nelson: Of course, welcome to my hotel, anytime ;)

    @Jan: Yeah I really embrace my room man. Thank you :) Be strong, too!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wen JieJanuary 29, 2012 at 8:16 AM

    Don't be affected by that 烂人! Anyway every year also not my whole family go for house visits lor. Though my family is so small. And I do not find visiting house meaningful cos it's very boring when I'm not close to most of my relatives.

    ReplyDelete
  5. always remember to smile!January 29, 2012 at 9:17 AM

    yups! be strong, muacks =)

    ReplyDelete
  6. GLJanuary 30, 2012 at 5:46 AM

    @Wen Jie: Thank you! It's not solely because of that person. Whatever, I have a lot of fun in school! :D

    @Yanli: Thank you :D

    ReplyDelete
  7. PEIWEIIIIIIIIIJanuary 31, 2012 at 3:30 AM

    is it because of.................. :/ ok i shadnt make any speculations here. but jygl! :D i dunno why but jygl sounds like jiggle which rhymes with giggle. so giggle then.

    ReplyDelete

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