到底什么时候才会快乐？
This CNY, I realised many things. I realised I have always envied families who go out as a whole for CNY visiting, or those who invite many relatives and friends over. I realised I am very afraid of the coming of CNY because CNY simply means watching movies and slacking at home for me. I love to watch movies, there is no doubt about that. Perhaps I just don't appreciate the latter because there is so much to face head-on. I hate the silence or otherwise awful hurlings at the dining table. I hate how I need to pretend to be hospitable to people I dislike. This year, I hid in my room when people I did not feel comfortable with came, then I was accused of being stubborn and impolite. Sometimes I really wonder if being myself is of imperative or being polite is. Whichever the case, I want to confess that I really feel tired and unhappy this CNY. The worst is that I feel that no one can understand because everyone I tried to rant this to tells me I should go home because it is CNY after...
Perhaps it's not possible to be happy. But it's possible to be less unhappy. Maybe that's how some people cope with life: to be less unhappy as each day passes by until, perhaps, some day they realise that they can be happy once again.
ReplyDeleteIt's exactly what I'm trying to do, to be less unhappy. And I do wonder if that day will come where I can be happy once again. Whatever, thank you for being around Jan!
Deletesmile :)
ReplyDelete