Dissociation.

For the longest time, I hate to say, I've been living in denial. I didn't want to get out of that box because I didn't want to attach any negativity to your name and maybe because I just chose to cover up that portion of you. Today, you lost your principles. Perhaps we all lose ours when the time comes for us to do so. But I'm sorry that yours isn't what I can accept. It's true, you never hurt me. Then why have I always felt so lost? Then I realised, all along I've only enjoyed that feeling of pursuing, the walking behind you and feeling good about it. But I never once thought of embracing what I've pursued. And so, when you were out of my world, I felt like I lost the pursuit that I've been trying to achieve for so long. Now, I've got used to the absence of that pursuit that I feel like I have directions, finally. Ironic? I thought pursuits give us directions and you were that direction in my life. Then I realised paths seem a lot clearer when I stopped running after you. Actually nope, I overshot you. And for you were no longer blocking my view, paths seem clearer, even if, they are forked. At the very least, I run at my own speed and towards my own endpoint.

I'm thankful, I found the answer to the questions I asked myself for years.