So it was a rather enjoyable time spent at bf's chalet. Zhuang and I were reaching the bus interchange when an old lady approached us and showed Zhuang a card and asked how to get to that place. Zhuang looked at me and asked the same question and for once, I had some sense of direction. The old lady spoke Hokkien and even though Zhuang and I understood, we were struggling with replying her in dialect. I think the old lady kinda understood that we were having some difficulties so she spoke in some Chinese, probably trying to mean that we could answer her in Chinese. So I pointed in the direction that she should head for but she still looked lost. The rain was heavy and it was quite a distance to get to the place, and so Zhuang and I decided we should bring the old lady there. Along the way, the old lady spoke to us, telling us that she is 87 years old this year and she stays at the place which she was heading to but forgot the way there. She was so frail that I thought of flagging for a cab to send her there. But there was no taxi in sight so we continued to walk. I could see the huge relief in her eyes when she saw the building that she's living in. She kept apologising for troubling us before saying bye bye. Even though Zhuang and I were in a rush, I guess I'm glad both of us did what we did eventually because in such weather, the possibility of the old lady losing her way or slipping on the wet grounds is too scary. I just feel a bit of a failure myself because as a Hokkien, I can't really speak my dialect and so I couldn't really communicate with the old lady. I always wished I had grandparents to speak dialects to me from young. But none of them was around anymore when I came to this world. I think, the next few generations might just be worse. Are we losing our roots?
This CNY, I realised many things. I realised I have always envied families who go out as a whole for CNY visiting, or those who invite many relatives and friends over. I realised I am very afraid of the coming of CNY because CNY simply means watching movies and slacking at home for me. I love to watch movies, there is no doubt about that. Perhaps I just don't appreciate the latter because there is so much to face head-on. I hate the silence or otherwise awful hurlings at the dining table. I hate how I need to pretend to be hospitable to people I dislike. This year, I hid in my room when people I did not feel comfortable with came, then I was accused of being stubborn and impolite. Sometimes I really wonder if being myself is of imperative or being polite is. Whichever the case, I want to confess that I really feel tired and unhappy this CNY. The worst is that I feel that no one can understand because everyone I tried to rant this to tells me I should go home because it is CNY after...
that's nice~ and ya, i guess the next few generations will totally get alienated from dialects.... :(
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