For the first time this sem I went to school with girl. Haven't gone to school together for so long that it reminded me I was so dependent on her to find my way around the school last academic year. Not that I know my way extremely well now but I'm slightly more independent than before. I think I deserve a pat on my back. I'm actually very keen on YOG's closing ceremony but unfortunately... Oh well. Tsu said something which made me laugh to myself today. Haven't heard anyone say before but I doubt anyone will anyway. I constantly remind myself that I will never allow myself to be as daring as before because I've fallen too many times. Being the low-risk taker I always am, I will walk the path I find safest and yes, that's that.
This CNY, I realised many things. I realised I have always envied families who go out as a whole for CNY visiting, or those who invite many relatives and friends over. I realised I am very afraid of the coming of CNY because CNY simply means watching movies and slacking at home for me. I love to watch movies, there is no doubt about that. Perhaps I just don't appreciate the latter because there is so much to face head-on. I hate the silence or otherwise awful hurlings at the dining table. I hate how I need to pretend to be hospitable to people I dislike. This year, I hid in my room when people I did not feel comfortable with came, then I was accused of being stubborn and impolite. Sometimes I really wonder if being myself is of imperative or being polite is. Whichever the case, I want to confess that I really feel tired and unhappy this CNY. The worst is that I feel that no one can understand because everyone I tried to rant this to tells me I should go home because it is CNY after...
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