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What is all these for?

This semester makes me think through quite a lot about my life. What do I really want? What can I really do? Studying till 2a.m. and then not understanding or remembering the concepts still. How am I supposed to get on with my life with an attitude like this? I really wonder. I know it's not me to give up. But faith without action is bullshit all the same. I know that I haven't tried my best and I wonder why I haven't. What am I even waiting for? I've totally lost the kind of fighting spirit I used to have when I was in college. That was the only time I felt all odds against me but I still survived, and fought a beautiful battle. This time, I'm fighting the battle with "the end in mind", I fight because I know I will lose anyway.

Wake up your idea, please. It's not too late if you realise it now.

Tomorrow's the last battle. I really wanted to fight a good one but I know I just wishfully hoped but never attempted to put my battling skills into practice beforehand.

Please don't say good luck to me, or ask me to jiayou, or all the best. I don't want all these because I don't deserve. Tell me the next time round when I think I'm really training myself hard for a good fight.

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