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Shattered.

"One of the advantages of going out alone is that you do not have to accomodate others. You do not have to smile, you do not have to make small talk, you do not have to spare a thought for others. And that was what I experienced when I went to the movies myself, went to the night market myself, went to the pub to listen to the live band myself, went to eat chicken rice balls myself. All the time for yourself. All focus on yourself. Finding yourself. Almost an indulgence. It was a good feeling. Did it once. Did it again. Will continue to do so from time to time.

Why? Because sometimes you are so tired of smiling and trying to be nice to others when others do not try to smile or be nice to you. Not a saint but you know you have tried to be good to others but others do not seem to try to be good to you; in fact, they begin to think you are a pushover. When every good seems to be forgotten and each bad remembered. When a sheet of white paper with a black dot is noticed only for its black dot. When whatever credit you thought you might have built up counts for nothing really.

I really don’t want to be calculative. But I really don’t want to be too accomodating either. How many can you accomodate in your life? How many would you like to accomodate in your life? Seriously, people who matter. I don’t want to be too accomodating. I’ll keep this at the back of my head. And continue to be the same, the way I deem right."

-'Accomodate' by Elvin Ng

My exact sentiments, really.

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