"Pek chek!
F***ing pek chek!
Argh!My blood is boiling and I feel like I'm gonna erupt like a volcano anytime.
I've lost all my f***ing privacy all thanks to that stupid Guolian who always wanna use my laptop and love to f***ing log off my google account.
F***!
I think I'm gonna change my password again and this time round, I'm never gonna let her know.
F***ing idiot!
She's so cold and rude and proud.
If she shall fail her 'A' Levels, it'd be good.
She should do some soul searching.
A fall from grace would be good for her.
It would be a pricey lesson but it shall serve her well.
A**hole!"
Found this on my sis' blog. If you're wondering what kind of a person I really am, then yes. Perhaps it's all that she has said, rude, proud, cold.
I don't deny I'm two totally different persons out of home and at home.
Those who have seen me scream at the man my mum married, you know. :]
I feel that my family background is rather complicated. Maybe some think my family is already considered a happy one. Well, this is subjective right?
Since young, the man my mum married liked to flare up for no reason and start beating us, blast at us, throw things he could find in the house. Like what my mum always says, if he works and supports the family, then we should understand the pressure he's under when he loses his temper. But, he doesn't work. He doesn't support the family. He doesn't give us pocket money. He stays at home. He eats and enjoys as if he stays in a hotel sponsored by somebody. It has to be my mum if there's really a sponsor.
I remember all the nasty things he said, he did. And never am I going to forgive him. He can die for all he wants but I've already taken it that my father has died anyway.
(by the way this isn't a typical plot you see in drama serials.)
I'm an attention seeker at times. I don't know if that's because I don't get the attention I want at home. I seriously envy families like Zi Rui's, Kexian's, Yuyuan's. I know there are families whose states are worse than mine, but it's hardly possible to appreciate what you have when you always have the much better ones in front of you. I'm greedy, very greedy I know that.
As much as I'm unhappy, I try my very best to protect my sisters, in particular my two younger sisters. But I don't have the slightest idea what's the best way to protect them. Everything I do, they think I'm invading, I'm being unreasonable. I make it a point to not scold them less, but to be better to them. Yet I'm not sure if it's me who's not doing enough or they are the ones who don't see my efforts.
Since secondary school till now, whenever it comes to essay writing, be it Chinese or English, I'm forever writing about my family. Sometimes I write about the worst scenarios, sometimes I inject a pack of lies. I remember when I was sec4, the title of an essay we were made to write was 避风港. I topped the class and was told by Mdm Ang to read it out in front of the class. The moment I finished reading, Ying Hao said, "Wa. You so can lie." That's because he knows about my family. At that moment, I swear I was holding back my tears. Ha.
I wrote something similar again for the recent prelims. And Sadako met me after lesson and asked if it was true. HA.
Many a times when I'm going through big exams, I wish my family would be there to give me their support. But it seems that I always get the least support from them. My brother will always ask about my sisters' grades but never mine. He will ask if they are coping well and what exams they have when he's back from his hostel. But he never asks me a single thing. That's the least I ask for but he never grants me my wish.
My mum is rewarding my sisters' 100bucks each if they do well for their end of year exams and O levels. She didn't say the same to me. It's not that I'm desperate for that 100bucks. I just wanted her encouragement too.
Zhi said my family doesn't do the same to me because I've always been coping well with my studies and I'm the most disciplined among my siblings. But that doesn't deprive me of a right to be pampered, to be encouraged, right?
Everytime I do well for an exam, I can only tell my friends about it because no one at home cares. And then at the end of the day I'm not that happy after all despite having done well.
Okay I shall just stop here. Maybe I've been toooo long-winded.
F***ing pek chek!
Argh!My blood is boiling and I feel like I'm gonna erupt like a volcano anytime.
I've lost all my f***ing privacy all thanks to that stupid Guolian who always wanna use my laptop and love to f***ing log off my google account.
F***!
I think I'm gonna change my password again and this time round, I'm never gonna let her know.
F***ing idiot!
She's so cold and rude and proud.
If she shall fail her 'A' Levels, it'd be good.
She should do some soul searching.
A fall from grace would be good for her.
It would be a pricey lesson but it shall serve her well.
A**hole!"
Found this on my sis' blog. If you're wondering what kind of a person I really am, then yes. Perhaps it's all that she has said, rude, proud, cold.
I don't deny I'm two totally different persons out of home and at home.
Those who have seen me scream at the man my mum married, you know. :]
I feel that my family background is rather complicated. Maybe some think my family is already considered a happy one. Well, this is subjective right?
Since young, the man my mum married liked to flare up for no reason and start beating us, blast at us, throw things he could find in the house. Like what my mum always says, if he works and supports the family, then we should understand the pressure he's under when he loses his temper. But, he doesn't work. He doesn't support the family. He doesn't give us pocket money. He stays at home. He eats and enjoys as if he stays in a hotel sponsored by somebody. It has to be my mum if there's really a sponsor.
I remember all the nasty things he said, he did. And never am I going to forgive him. He can die for all he wants but I've already taken it that my father has died anyway.
(by the way this isn't a typical plot you see in drama serials.)
I'm an attention seeker at times. I don't know if that's because I don't get the attention I want at home. I seriously envy families like Zi Rui's, Kexian's, Yuyuan's. I know there are families whose states are worse than mine, but it's hardly possible to appreciate what you have when you always have the much better ones in front of you. I'm greedy, very greedy I know that.
As much as I'm unhappy, I try my very best to protect my sisters, in particular my two younger sisters. But I don't have the slightest idea what's the best way to protect them. Everything I do, they think I'm invading, I'm being unreasonable. I make it a point to not scold them less, but to be better to them. Yet I'm not sure if it's me who's not doing enough or they are the ones who don't see my efforts.
Since secondary school till now, whenever it comes to essay writing, be it Chinese or English, I'm forever writing about my family. Sometimes I write about the worst scenarios, sometimes I inject a pack of lies. I remember when I was sec4, the title of an essay we were made to write was 避风港. I topped the class and was told by Mdm Ang to read it out in front of the class. The moment I finished reading, Ying Hao said, "Wa. You so can lie." That's because he knows about my family. At that moment, I swear I was holding back my tears. Ha.
I wrote something similar again for the recent prelims. And Sadako met me after lesson and asked if it was true. HA.
Many a times when I'm going through big exams, I wish my family would be there to give me their support. But it seems that I always get the least support from them. My brother will always ask about my sisters' grades but never mine. He will ask if they are coping well and what exams they have when he's back from his hostel. But he never asks me a single thing. That's the least I ask for but he never grants me my wish.
My mum is rewarding my sisters' 100bucks each if they do well for their end of year exams and O levels. She didn't say the same to me. It's not that I'm desperate for that 100bucks. I just wanted her encouragement too.
Zhi said my family doesn't do the same to me because I've always been coping well with my studies and I'm the most disciplined among my siblings. But that doesn't deprive me of a right to be pampered, to be encouraged, right?
Everytime I do well for an exam, I can only tell my friends about it because no one at home cares. And then at the end of the day I'm not that happy after all despite having done well.
Okay I shall just stop here. Maybe I've been toooo long-winded.
DOn't forget, you still have LCFAMILY (: LOVE YA!
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