When I'm free, I think.
When I think, it hurts.
When it hurts, my eyes swim in tears.
But this time, I insist on holding back because I no longer want to blink them off in misery.
I remember I told Jia Hui, that I probably would keep my changing my url again and again till I think I can totally get you off my mind.
I changed my url again.
I guess and I hope it's my last:)
Although we always knew that each other exists, we never really cared and never knew each other.
2005, We knew each other because of the people we like.
We even joked about how to spoil their relationship.
Today, they are no longer together. And you no longer like her.
Me? I waited for two years. But I have no idea what I was waiting for.
Towards the end of the year, I told myself, all will be enough if I have a glance of your back every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.
I always kept the donation draw ticket that we bought together because you told me that if we did not win, you would draw something on it for me.
But you still left the ticket on the table anyway.
2006, I knew it was my last year. I still told myself, all will be enough if I have a glance of your back every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.. Friday.
17 Oct, last day of school, I stood at the window in 4d1 classroom. Warrick told me not to emo. sk told me, "If in one year's time, you still remember and feel for him, be bold and let him know. It's far too long to neglect again."
Was I being stubborn or do you call it persistent?
I still told myself.
"It's ok. I will sign up for YA next year and I still get to steal a glance of your back every Wednesday."
Yet,
"Why are you always running away?"
"I know your motive for helping me anyway."
"For show only."
If you gave me a chance, I would tell you, I'm not running away, I just want us to be good friends, always. I would tell you I don't have a motive for helping you. I would tell you I did not purposely walk past you to gain your attention.
But would you even listen? Or would you believe me?
To you, I'm forever a liar, and you hate liars.
My feelings to you are like these words, invisible and unnecessary. And you don't and won't bother to unravel the truths.
There are so many things I miss. Times when
you massage my head when I complained about my headache
we talked in Macs and exchanged our phones
you took bus with me
you tried to cheer me up
you called me 'emo'
we talked over the phone
we put the same msn nicknames
you said I always escape from reality because I feel that you care
we talked about the people we like
we reminisced the primary school days
.
.
.
.
And I really miss looking at your back.
You always said I lied to you that I did not like you.
If you tell me that again, I really will tell you that I really really feel for you.
But after so long, I finally realised that my existence doesn't make a difference at all to your life.
To you, I'm merely a passer-by, someone you won't even bother to look at.
So today, I'm really keen to move on, no longer a lie, I swear.
The remaining 11 days, I can't afford to wait anymore. The 'one-year deal' has lost its validity.
The memories which I thought were beautiful, I will hide them in a special place in my heart, and never take them out again.
反正已经不能回头了，那我只好向前走了。
The next time, anyone on a bicycle, anyone with that similiar back, will be a passer-by to me too:)
When I think, it hurts.
When it hurts, my eyes swim in tears.
But this time, I insist on holding back because I no longer want to blink them off in misery.
I remember I told Jia Hui, that I probably would keep my changing my url again and again till I think I can totally get you off my mind.
I changed my url again.
I guess and I hope it's my last:)
Although we always knew that each other exists, we never really cared and never knew each other.
2005, We knew each other because of the people we like.
We even joked about how to spoil their relationship.
Today, they are no longer together. And you no longer like her.
Me? I waited for two years. But I have no idea what I was waiting for.
Towards the end of the year, I told myself, all will be enough if I have a glance of your back every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.
I always kept the donation draw ticket that we bought together because you told me that if we did not win, you would draw something on it for me.
But you still left the ticket on the table anyway.
2006, I knew it was my last year. I still told myself, all will be enough if I have a glance of your back every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.. Friday.
17 Oct, last day of school, I stood at the window in 4d1 classroom. Warrick told me not to emo. sk told me, "If in one year's time, you still remember and feel for him, be bold and let him know. It's far too long to neglect again."
Was I being stubborn or do you call it persistent?
I still told myself.
"It's ok. I will sign up for YA next year and I still get to steal a glance of your back every Wednesday."
Yet,
"Why are you always running away?"
"I know your motive for helping me anyway."
"For show only."
If you gave me a chance, I would tell you, I'm not running away, I just want us to be good friends, always. I would tell you I don't have a motive for helping you. I would tell you I did not purposely walk past you to gain your attention.
But would you even listen? Or would you believe me?
To you, I'm forever a liar, and you hate liars.
My feelings to you are like these words, invisible and unnecessary. And you don't and won't bother to unravel the truths.
There are so many things I miss. Times when
you massage my head when I complained about my headache
we talked in Macs and exchanged our phones
you took bus with me
you tried to cheer me up
you called me 'emo'
we talked over the phone
we put the same msn nicknames
you said I always escape from reality because I feel that you care
we talked about the people we like
we reminisced the primary school days
.
.
.
.
And I really miss looking at your back.
You always said I lied to you that I did not like you.
If you tell me that again, I really will tell you that I really really feel for you.
But after so long, I finally realised that my existence doesn't make a difference at all to your life.
To you, I'm merely a passer-by, someone you won't even bother to look at.
So today, I'm really keen to move on, no longer a lie, I swear.
The remaining 11 days, I can't afford to wait anymore. The 'one-year deal' has lost its validity.
The memories which I thought were beautiful, I will hide them in a special place in my heart, and never take them out again.
反正已经不能回头了，那我只好向前走了。
The next time, anyone on a bicycle, anyone with that similiar back, will be a passer-by to me too:)
加油！！！
ReplyDeleteim by your side okay.
remember that.
and ilu.<3.