Skip to main content
i never could have seen this far, i never could have seen this coming.
it seems like my world's falling apart.
why is everything so hard?
i don't think that i can deal with the things you said. it just won't go away.

in a perfect world, this could never happen.
in a perfect world, you'd still be here.
and it makes no sense.
i could just pick up the pieces, but to you, this means nothing, nothing at all.

i used to think that i was strong, until the day it all went wrong.
i think i need a miracle to make it through.
i wish that i could bring you back, i wish that i could turn back time.
because i can't let go, i just can't find my way.
without you i just can't find my way.



celebrated sther's birthday in advance yesterday.
not as fun as last year anymore. people were no longer enthusiastic as well.
everything's so different.

and, pizza hut reminds me of the two times i had lunches with s.h.e, and once with novday.
if yinghao is reading this, he will probably pull a long face again.
but sorry, i didn't want to keep harping on it. the memories just kept flowing back.

there are so many things i can look back at, so many things to reminisce.
but even the happiest memories will leave me grieving eventually, for they shortlived and will never come back.

i remembered how nerdy i was last time, in sec1 to be exact.
it was rahil and sther who kept pulling my uniform out each time they saw it so tucked in.
and today, it's almost not tucked in at all. ha.

sec2 was all about parting, ain't it?
miss moo, and then miss soh, yiwen, anand..
nevertheless, 2c1o4 shall always remain as 2c1o4.

i ever said that in sec3, i went through the unhappiest period of my life.
that was the 3 months of cold war with rahil. ha.
how petty could i get?
but, the year 2005 contained the most wonderful memories with yinghao, tecky, jiahui and angie.

sec4? is the year i can't wait to get out of ctss.
and the year i know i'm going to miss sheena, shirl, xian, xiuying, felicia, sini and nic loads.
i will miss the guiding days.
the days the 8 of us changed together in the guides room, bathed in the same toilet, slept together, went through hardships together, the wonderful days.

studied with angie, yinghao, jiahui and yuci at lib today.
when i was at the mrt platform waiting for the train, i walked to the last escalator because it's nearest to the escalator in clementi.
and when i boarded the train, i was thinking why i knew that.
oh, it was tecky. it was tecky who told me about it, whenever we went to the library last time.
well at least even though the past cannot be turned back, i have kept certain things in my brain.

even those days i spent with my family.
the last meal i had with my complete family 2 years ago.
i don't know how true it is for a child to grow normally with the love showered by both parents.
i never really believed in that.
i feel that i can survive and grow up normally with just my mother's love.
but i know if that man leaves her, she will break down.
all i can do is that be a good daughter.
and, all i want to do is to change my sis's mindset. but it all seems so tough.
when will she ever understand that i do love her and i do care for her?
nah, she says i'm a bitch. she hates me.

but in the light of all these troughs i have to fall into, life is still summed up by three words, i.e. it goes on.
i have no choice but to keep my life going. we don't always have a choice, do we?

i think she really loves him. but he thinks she has a motive for what she does for him.
maybe she's so going to feel heartbroken.
but then again, if she has 5 minutes of her life left and has to make a phone call, she will call him and say,
"i don't have a motive."

mrs gan told amitabha to invent a machine that can read people's minds.
but there's a someone who wouldn't use it, i think.
it might hurt her too much if she knows what he is thinking.

instead, she might love the invention of a time machine.
so that she could go back to the past and tell herself, "i will try not to fall for you this time."

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

study study study? went to library with chris and clement.. time was gang gang hao.. we reached e traffic light at e same time..lols.. went to fourth floor and took so long to find a place to sit..all thanks to chris..so fussy abt where to sit..lols.. they did math..i did history and..chinese?..yea..as if..jus wrote e title for my compo..content was blank..keke.. we did for like 1 to 2 hours plus den went to makan.. i darn thirsty kies..lols.. deciding where to go..ljs..kfc..or mac..took so long..thanks to those 2 indecisive guys..lols..=x.. so in end..went to hawker centre.. win liao lor..reached dere le they stil decided which hawker centre to go..diaoz.. den we decided le..they wanted to decided where to sit.. changed seats 2times siarh..lols.. so they ate..i played with chris hp..they ate so loudly thou..=x..contributing to e noise pollution..=//..heh.. den went to 7-11..bought many drinks and chocs and sweets.. and chris wanted to try twix..cos i kept saying is niceyy..lols.. plus...

I'll never understand.

Some people, you try to break them before you build them. Some people, you are only remembered by them when they need your help. Some people, you spend time trying to change them only to realise you were never someone who could impact their lives. Some people, they hurt you so much but you know, they are just not worth it. So, don't bother. ASPIRE 2010 was a screwed yet another learning experience for me this time. I'd really like to thank my fellow peers for going through shit with me. And thank goodness that I believe in miracles. You never know what happens until the last minute, really. I never felt so shagged, and devastated about people.

All the small things.

So blonde Neo came with a packet of sushi and my chrysanthemum tea and Mr. Bean's pancakes. We continued to gorge ourselves with cones (actually just 2) of Cornetto which I bought to reward myself after a long time of not having eaten ice cream. We studied and also watched The Family Court. I really feel sad for AhWU that everyones hates his Leshan role but I guess he's right that actors and actresses like to see audiences' reactions towards their acting. What a breakthrough for him! Had supper with Shirl and Eh Chris! at somewhere nearby. Continued to study with Angie and we (or rather I) had a bad night because she was coughing quite badly. Blonde Neo I tell you, you better start drinking bottles of water when you get home today. NO MORE CHIPS!!! I'm watching you.... So anyway, in the morning we had Mac breakfast and Angie FINALLY invited me to her house wheeeeeeeee. Happening hor? Meeting the climates (Auntie Rainbow, Sunshine boy and Rain) later to celebrate mid-aut...