the feeling just ain't right for me whenever i reach home early. ha.
lately the memories are back to haunt me. or were they always?
other than the guiding days, it's just s.h.e, novday.
have we really put an end to it? the friendship?
the birthdays we have celebrated together? the good food we ate? the places we went?
the memories we shared?
jiahui lost that handphone pouch.
"i'm sad because i know i will never get a gift from both of them together again."
it saddens me as well.
it's just equivalent to, i know 3 of us or 5 of us will never go out together anymore.
no more s.h.e, no more novday.
i don't know how true others think this is.
i really miss those days.
mel said, "memories are enough to last a lifetime."
i don't agree. i never did.
every memory that stays tells me the past has become history.
it cannot never be held in my hands anymore.
the memories used to make me a happier person.
but now, everything contradicts.
i was told to read ts's blog.
i know i didn't want to but still, i did.
perhaps that's what makes a girl, she never always means what she says.
maybe he will say he hates us, but i seriously don't blame him a single bit.
i always believed that when someone is against a group of people, he/she is always pointing an index finger at whoever he is more prejudiced against.
that's me.
if there was still s.h.e, if there was still novday, he wouldn't be part of the so-called alliance, would he?
i never took friends that seriously till in sec4.
and that is why i took so many loved ones for granted.
yet when i took it seriously, this thing called friendship pierces through my heart like a rusting dagger.
for it's double pain to me, to realise that i used to neglect so many people and now i'm getting my retributions.
i will always remember that i brought this upon myself.
because i never spared a thought for his feelings, i was never sensitive and sensible.
so ts always retains the right to be my friend.
the lucid memories that occasionally flood my mind will serve as a punishment because of my apathy.
is it time to loosen my grip of the past and leave my hands empty to embrace the present?
can i? how can i?
life has its beauty and ugliness.
but i have seen more of the negative side and what's left of me to see what's beatiful?
but i guess, the time will come, someday.
my best friend told me, "you will always stand a chance unless one day you don't love him anymore."
and he also told me, "hang on. you will be rewarded. somehow, somewhat, someday."
but i don't need the chance. not the reward.
i don't regret loving but too bad, this love shall not last till the end.
because i clearly know my feelings will fade and i don't want to be stubborn.
at the end of this entry, my heart has stopped bleeding.
people please note:
jiahui - please smile more. freckles won't be nice if you frown too much(:
angie - always hoping that angeltale continues(:
yinghao - i think you have no time for this. but ya, you're always my friend(:
mel - stop acting cute(:
shirl - ah zai, drink more water and get well soon(:
lately the memories are back to haunt me. or were they always?
other than the guiding days, it's just s.h.e, novday.
have we really put an end to it? the friendship?
the birthdays we have celebrated together? the good food we ate? the places we went?
the memories we shared?
jiahui lost that handphone pouch.
"i'm sad because i know i will never get a gift from both of them together again."
it saddens me as well.
it's just equivalent to, i know 3 of us or 5 of us will never go out together anymore.
no more s.h.e, no more novday.
i don't know how true others think this is.
i really miss those days.
mel said, "memories are enough to last a lifetime."
i don't agree. i never did.
every memory that stays tells me the past has become history.
it cannot never be held in my hands anymore.
the memories used to make me a happier person.
but now, everything contradicts.
i was told to read ts's blog.
i know i didn't want to but still, i did.
perhaps that's what makes a girl, she never always means what she says.
maybe he will say he hates us, but i seriously don't blame him a single bit.
i always believed that when someone is against a group of people, he/she is always pointing an index finger at whoever he is more prejudiced against.
that's me.
if there was still s.h.e, if there was still novday, he wouldn't be part of the so-called alliance, would he?
i never took friends that seriously till in sec4.
and that is why i took so many loved ones for granted.
yet when i took it seriously, this thing called friendship pierces through my heart like a rusting dagger.
for it's double pain to me, to realise that i used to neglect so many people and now i'm getting my retributions.
i will always remember that i brought this upon myself.
because i never spared a thought for his feelings, i was never sensitive and sensible.
so ts always retains the right to be my friend.
the lucid memories that occasionally flood my mind will serve as a punishment because of my apathy.
is it time to loosen my grip of the past and leave my hands empty to embrace the present?
can i? how can i?
life has its beauty and ugliness.
but i have seen more of the negative side and what's left of me to see what's beatiful?
but i guess, the time will come, someday.
my best friend told me, "you will always stand a chance unless one day you don't love him anymore."
and he also told me, "hang on. you will be rewarded. somehow, somewhat, someday."
but i don't need the chance. not the reward.
i don't regret loving but too bad, this love shall not last till the end.
because i clearly know my feelings will fade and i don't want to be stubborn.
at the end of this entry, my heart has stopped bleeding.
people please note:
jiahui - please smile more. freckles won't be nice if you frown too much(:
angie - always hoping that angeltale continues(:
yinghao - i think you have no time for this. but ya, you're always my friend(:
mel - stop acting cute(:
shirl - ah zai, drink more water and get well soon(:
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